I have a confession: I am an over-committer. I often say yes to things because 1) I have a problem with wanting to please people and 2) I don’t want to miss out on opportunities. I also am not a planner, so often these over-commitments pile up and I don’t realize what I’ve committed too until I am in the middle of a crazy string of weeks, like right now for instance. My wife Mallory and I sold our house. We are closing in 1 week. We also bought a house, an older house that needs some work. So while we are trying to finalize things this week with packing and moving and getting inspections and so forth, I also over-committed to too many other things: upcoming shows and recording sessions with music, as well as writing this blog.
Now I find myself in the midst of the Lenten season, a season that is meant to cause us to slow down and focus on saying “no” to things of this world so we can focus on Christ and say “yes” to Him, in one of the busiest seasons of my life. I am in this because I did not heed the words and wisdom of Lent. I said yes again, and again, and again. Looking more deeply at why I have a problem saying no, I’ve found that the root of this cause is that I want to build my own kingdom. I believe that if I don’t work and build and say yes to every opportunity, I am going to miss out. What does this say about my belief in our Heavenly Father? It reveals that I believe a lie that has haunted humanity since the fall of our first parents Adam and Eve: I know better than God and He is holding back, so I don’t trust Him.
You see, at the core of following Christ is trust. Trust that God is, indeed, who He says He is: God. That He is in control, that He has us, and this truth should lead us to a confident trust. Anxiousness, busyness, over commitment… In my life these are the symptoms and fruit that I have strayed from trusting in Him, that I am seeking to care for and build my own kingdom rather than seeking His and living for His. I need to remind myself of the simple truth found in the flowers of the field and the birds of the air (Matthew 6:25-34): my Father sees me, my Father knows me, and my Father counts me as more precious than any of those.
This truth reminds me that I don’t have to be god over my own kingdom. I don’t have to anxiously say yes to every opportunity and exert myself to exhaustion and try to rule and grow my kingdom. I was not made to carry that weight. So, I’ll let go and trust my Father, and as I continue in this Lenten season, I am hitting reset, turning from the root of my over commitment. I’ll rest in the knowledge that God is guiding and leading me as I trust in Him and say yes to His kingdom and not my own.